The requisite aggressor, the necessary Bully

At work, play, school, or life, always there are bullies. I believe that, to some level, it may be an element of the fabric of society that must be represented. It is a reality. Always, there is the intimidator, the aggressor, the contrarian. I believe that everyone has had a person who simply opposed them. I have.

My father often told me “Scotty, it is the responsibility of the strong to care for the weak” He was a protector, a protector of the unsure, the weak, ladies, children, even those who had lost their way.

The very strong are not aggressive, they are kind. They are often quiet. Strength and kindness are the same thing. Weakness and violence, too, are synonymous. If you are a violent man, you are a weak man.

In school I first met these kinds of people. They were the children who created the appearance of worth by degrading others. They called names, they hit. They threatened. It was their lack of self-worth that drove them to do these things. Over time, most outgrew these tendencies. A few never did.

Some men are a boy who never outgrew the failures of youth. Every time they have a chance, they choose to harm. It is easy to hate these poor souls, to avoid interaction with them.

They are filled with fear. They use it to manipulate, to extort, to threaten. Some never allow themselves to understand kindness. Like the moth and the flame, they play a loser’s game, yet they are predestined to failure, perhaps to live out their days in some prison cell. Along the way, someone may pay the price. A cowardly act executed by one devoid of honor. The price of imbalance in an imperfect society.

When I was little, I feared these fools. Then I hated, then I grew to understand, now I feel sorry for them.

It is so very hard to build, to slowly stack the components of kindness and understanding, like a temple, it takes love and sensibility and care to create. It takes but a day to demolish such a grand structure. It is the same with all else in life. If you are so fortunate as to be a builder – of physical structure, political, social, it is a great responsibility that you hold. You hold it along with the key to the future.

 

Be not set back by those who tear down your work. Do not digress to hate, or revenge, nor to becoming a destroyer yourself. Stoop and take up your tools and build again. If you have set a course that is honorable and worthy, never stop.

 

 

Rudyard Kipling said it so well in his poem, “IF”:

“….If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken 

   Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, 

   And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: ….”

I learned, from a friend, long ago; we forgive the transgressor, not for the purity of his self nor his soul, but for the purity of our self and of our soul.

If we allow ourselves, we few who are building the future, to be dragged into the mire of conflict and blame, the work which we do will suffer. Forgive, and move on unimpeded. It is the goal. It is always the goal. The world is scattered with the waste of lost dreams – it is always the goal.

Scott Cahill